Introduction

Hi! We’re M&D, or you may know us as @flogandflow. As veteran members of the San Diego kink community, we offer introductory impact play experiences to people who are curious about BDSM. Examples of impact play include flogging, paddling, spanking, and even light, sensual touch.

We would like to offer these introductory experiences at your event, with a fun twist!

Experience Description

We’ve turned impact play into a game called Pick Your Poison. We have a spinner wheel showing six different types of sensations, which we refer to as “poisons.” Participants spin the wheel, and then we give them a five-minute, low-intensity experience centered around the sensation they land on. Here’s a quick summary of the six sensations:

• Thuddy: toys that deliver a dull thud and are less painful.
• Sting-y: toys that deliver a sharp pain.
• Sensual: toys that tickle the senses and are totally painless.
• Sexy: toys focused on erogenous zones.
• Surprising: deceptive toys used with unpredictable timing.
• Silly: funny and lighthearted toys.

(Full descriptions of all six sensations are found further down on this page, in the Print Materials to be Displayed and Discussed section.)

Our goal with Pick Your Poison is to offer curious participants a fun introduction to BDSM. But more importantly, we want to model consent and safety. Our broader mission is to help people understand that BDSM comprises a variety of elements, and we want to show them how to play safely with all these elements. Beyond just offering an impact play experience, we also make ourselves available to answer questions and chat about best practices in kink.

Safety and Consent

We practice enthusiastic consent, so we want to make sure every participant feels 100% comfortable with the experience we deliver. As such:

• Participants may spin the wheel as many times as they want, until they land on the poison they truly desire.
• Before we begin, we have a conversation with them about what they want to receive, and then we go over our safety checklist, as described in detail in the Printed Materials section. The checklist covers 1) safe words, 2) off limit body parts, 3) specific toys, and 4) overall intensity.
• Afterwards, we debrief and see how the experience was for them.

Consent Model and Liability

As kinksters, we practice Risk Aware Consensual Kink. However, since Pick Your Poison is geared towards newcomers who have no experience with kink, it would be inappropriate for us to expect them to be fully aware of the risks involved. We need to shoulder the responsibility for playing in a safe manner. 

For this reason, we will operate under the Safe, Sane, and Consensual model, where the things we do can in fact be considered “safe” and “sane” according to whatever common societal standards might dictate.

Even with our focus on safety, liability may still be of concern at your event. For this reason, we can also bring blank liability waivers for all participants to read and sign beforehand. Please note that the use of liability waivers will require an additional staff member and add a considerable amount of wait time for participants. Click here to review the liability waiver we use.

Personnel & Compensation

The size of our team at your event will depend on 1) the number of guests you expect and 2) the length of time you’d like us to offer the experience. Pick Your Poison is labor intensive for us, so we generally operate in teams of two, rotating through one-hour shifts. At larger events, we may bring one or two additional support people per shift, to help manage the crowd and answer questions. We are happy to negotiate personnel requirements on an event-by-event basis.

We usually operate on a fee basis, but if your event is not-for-profit, we are willing to negotiate an unpaid offering, also on an event-by-event basis.

Equipment and Space

1. St. Andrews Cross if available. At minimum, a solid surface for people to lean on. A wall, table, bench, or chair could work. With some advance planning, we can provide the St. Andrews Cross.
2. Approximately 10’ x 12’ of floor space.
3. Wall space to display safety and consent information, as shown in the next section.

Print Materials to be Displayed and Discussed

As part of our goal to model best practices in kink, we will prominently display all the information in this section and also have a conversation about it with every participant:

How This Experience Works

Spin the wheel, and we’ll craft an impact play experience according to the poison you land on! Impact play is any activity where you are striking the body to stimulate the senses. Examples include flogging, spanking, and even light, sensual touch.

Enthusiastic Consent

Enthusiastic consent is required for everyone involved! Spin the wheel as many times as you want, until you land on the poison you truly desire. If you’re not 100% comfortable doing something we suggest, we respect you. Conversely, if we’re not 100% comfortable doing something you suggest, please afford us the same respect in return.

Safety Checklist

1. Safe words
   • Say “yellow” if you want us to slow down and “red” if you want us to stop.
   • We also use arm signals as safe words. Drop one arm back to tell us to slow down, and drop both arms back to tell us to stop.
2. Off-limit body parts
   • Are there any parts of your body that you do not want touched at all?
   • If you have any physical injuries, you may want to mention this as an off-limit body part.
3. Specific toys
   • We will discuss with you the specific toys we will use.
   • Please tell us if anything in our arsenal looks like a hard no.
4. Intensity
   • We will start light and check in with you frequently.
   • If you want us to crank up the intensity, please let us know during a check-in!

Poisons

Thuddy: These toys generate a dull thud. They are appropriate if you want to feel the force of an impact without too much accompanying pain. But let’s be clear, there can be some pain. Moppy floggers and soft paddles represent this poison.

Sting-y: These toys generate a sharp, piercing pain. If you like to live life at … oh, let’s say, a higher intensity, sting-y might be perfect for you. These poisons include whips, acrylic paddles, and spanking hands.

Sensual: If you aren’t into impact, we offer toys intended to caress or tickle the senses. Furry and faux furry toys abound here, as do implements for light scratching and poking. Painless is this poison.

Sexy: If you want to experience the erotic side of impact play, we offer that, too. Thuddy, sting-y, and sensual toys can all be used on erogenous zones such as nipples and genitalia. Because we are supporters of enthusiastic consent, this poison will entail an added level of negotiation.

Surprising: These toys can also be thuddy, sting-y, or sensual, but you’ll have no idea beforehand. Are you into mindfucks and wondering if you’re about to get hit or faked out? How about toys that look so soft and fluffy, but … oh damn! What is that you’re feeling? Maybe this poison is just for you.

Silly: What, did someone tell you kink is supposed to be serious? If so, please look in their general direction and blow a loud, wet zerbert. These toys are unexpected and meant to elicit a chuckle, but take heed, they can still be thuddy or sting-y. Hmmm … so maybe the chuckling will only be done by us?

Teaser Copy

If you’re planning to make an announcement about the experience we’re offering, here’s some copy you can use as a template:

Have you ever been curious about BDSM? If so, members of the San Diego kink community will be at [your event], offering introductions to several varieties of kinky play. What’s the difference between a flogger and a dragon tail? Do you like it thuddy, sting-y, or sensual? Come find out in a fun and consensual manner!

More About Us

Our website (where you are right now), with educational and safety materials: flogandflow.com

Our Instagram, with examples of our work: instagram.com/flogandflow

Contact Us

If you don’t already have a direct line of communication with us, you can reach us via our website contact form.